new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
