Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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