just tell him i said nine months
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
