My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize