just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
