He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
