my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
