He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
