Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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