Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
