well I can't set my house on fire every night
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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