She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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