I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize