He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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