I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
