Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize