I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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