man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
