have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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