I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
