There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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