hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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