last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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