At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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