My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
