Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
