i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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