I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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