im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
