Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is the high leading the old right now
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize