Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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