i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was confusing and full of hummus
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
