how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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