my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
