i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
