I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
