Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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