is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just had sex on a roof
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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