Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
