i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
