hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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