i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
