Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
