I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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