those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Verdict: uncircumcised.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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