White coat. Heels.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize