He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
