you guys were way drunker than both of me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
