New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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