i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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