WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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