at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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