I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
