mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
