I wish my penis had an off switch
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
