I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
