the ceiling is raining jello shotss
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize