this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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