Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
