We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
