The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
