Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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