You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
