but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
