Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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