So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can't turn off my feet"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
