i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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