Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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