I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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