i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize