Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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