watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
