There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize