Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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