the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
