I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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